


maybe I don't quite know what to say (but this is me trying)

by manny_luthordanvers7



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: A little bit of angst, Cute, F/F, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:35:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25501495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manny_luthordanvers7/pseuds/manny_luthordanvers7
Summary: Fic based on this is me trying and my tears ricochet. Re-do after 5x13.After all the mess with Mxy, Kara went to Lena's balcony and gave her an ultimato, and in  Lena's eyes it was the same as if Kara was saying "you're dead to me now." But that's not exactly the case, and none of them can stand that for too long. And after months of being away from each other, they both give in at the same time.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 7
Kudos: 148
Collections: Shots and songs 1





	maybe I don't quite know what to say (but this is me trying)

**Author's Note:**

> Been listening to folklore non-stop all day (GO STREAM IT NOW) and since the first time hearing this is me trying and my tears ricochet I was like "this sounds an awful lot like supercorp" and decided to write about them. Thank you Taylor for being there for the gays when no one else even tried. You sparked my creativity. By the way, I don't know if this is good, so you might as well comment and give kudos if you like. (I'm not a native English speaker) forgive any mistakes, ~folks
> 
> I am @luthor_danvers7 on Twitter!

  
\-------

"Like I would any other _villain"_ Kara said, and Lena knew what that meant. The hero was finally giving up on her, she was finally burying her hope for the Luthor. Lena was impressed, it took her quite some time to do so, normally people don't even believe her enough to give up on her at some point, so this was a little different.

Who'd say, she believed that a Luthor and a Super could work together, and break the tradition amongst the families. But some things never change, right? Lena should've known.

Kara flew back to her apartment and sat down at the sofa, thinking back to her own words. 'She needed to hear that' she thought, 'I can't keep running after her forever, right? I did the right thing.'. But deep down, she felt like everything was wrong, all she wanted was to go after the brunette and tell her that she hadn't been able to sleep for weeks now, that she was having nightmares about Krypton dying and now Lena was there, she saw Lena die with her planet and everything she loved and that terrified her to her bones. She wanted to scream, and say that she had seen a world where the two of them never met, and there was no good in it. She wanted to say that they were meant to find each other because there was no greater pair, one that was so powerful, beautiful and defying, like them. But she couldn't do that, Lena needed to know that her actions would be held accountable, and maybe Alex was right and she lost the Luthor for ever, she couldn't tie herself to that, she needed to protect herself too.

All the while, Lena was at her penthouse thinking about everything that happened in the past few months: Lex telling her about the real identity of her best friend, Kara revealing herself, Non Nocere, the episode on the Fortress of Solitude.. God, that wasn't so graceful, was it? So much screaming and crying, the look on Supergirl's face as she poured her heart out, and the Kryptonite. Her mother would certainly be disappointed if she had seen that, but anyway, Lena didn't have it in herself to go with grace. There was no amount of practicing in front of the mirror that would've worked with Kara, the one person that always made Lena feel defenseless, out of her comfort zone. 

She felt just the tiniest bit (just a bit) like crap. Kara finally gave up on her. How was she supposed to feel? Deep down, she felt relieved knowing that the reporter was still there for her, that it wasn't over, that maybe Kara did care for her enough to never let go. But now that wasn't the case anymore. Was it her? Was she so mean that it made Kara go away for good? Or was it simply because the blonde was pretending all along and now she just got tired of it? She couldn't know, and her anxieties made her feel like the world was crumbling and it was all her fault, all along. For letting that stupidly charming cub reporter in her heart, for letting her walls fall down with the gentlest touch of a hand, for believing that for once someone wouldn't betray her, and for still believing that said cub reporter loved her. But how could you blame her, right? If you were her, you'd do the same thing. There was no escaping Kara Danvers, she was a blackhole, messing with the peace of a galaxy built on billions of years, engulfing everything on the way, making it all about her. 

\- 2 - 

It had been a week since Kara landed on her balcony, and Lena couldn't sleep, anxiously drinking tea to see if her insomnia would go away, when she felt the smallest of breezes, unusual for such a windless night. Curiosity speaking loud, she went to her balcony to look outside, heart beating fast with the possibility that the Super had passed by. At the other side of the street, on top of a building taller than hers, she saw a red cape rapidly flying away. Why was Kara uo so late? There were no incidents happening that needed her help, so maybe she was up for another reason.

She didn't expect Lena to be up so late, although, knowing her the way Kara did, she should've known it. So, when she saw a silhouette getting up and moving for the balcony, her only extinct was to get away as fast as she could, as if she was being caught doing something wrong. She didn't want to be there, if you ask her, but she couldn't stop herself. Her nightmares were getting worse, she was having constant dreams where Lena was in danger and Kara couldn't get there in time, or dreams about the last reality Mxy showed her, where the brunette killed her, over and over, and she let her. That truth kind of hurt her pride, the fact that she could never really stop her if things went that way, that she'd let Lena do any bad to her, because she felt like she deserved it. But that night, after another nightmare, she needed to see the brunette, to know that even after everything that happened she was still there, safe and sound, and that she had always been on time. She wanted to hear the long memorized heartbeat, the subtle whoosh of air from every exhale, to know that she never failed Lena as a hero, even if she failed her as a friend.

Kara wasn't able to sleep the whole night after that, but around 3:30 am Lena managed to sleep a little, not that it made her feel any better, but it helped to calm her mind.

\- 3 -

Three days after she saw the hero flying by, Lena saw her on screen. She had stopped two buses from crashing. With a smile on her saving face, proudly standing with her hands on her waist. For a brief (very, very brief) moment, the former CEO felt her heart crushing, the agony that accompanied every Kara Danvers' thought running through her veins. A voice in her head murmured 'you know you miss her, and you can't go on with this' but she ignored it. A small detail, though, grasped her attention: the dark circles under the hero's eyes. For all the time that they had been friends, Lena can't remember one day seeing Kara having problems with sleep, she would always brag ' _I can sleep literally everywhere, at any moment. It is a gift, really.'._ Was something happening? Or maybe- Kara was having trouble sleeping because of her...?

\- 4 - 

Lena heard that Kara's father passed away. She wanted to go to the funeral, she really did. But she wasn't brave enough to face her so soon, not in front of everyone else. She couldn't pretend she didn't care, though, so she went to visit her at Catco.

"Kara?" She tentatively walked in. God, for a second she was paralyzed, what would she say? Now, standing in front of her, this was too much. But she _was_ there, trying. At least she could give herself that, she was trying. Kara looked up at her, a look in her eyes that screamed a pain much bigger than she could've guessed. "I heard about Jeremiah."  
She paused for a heartbeat second, "I came to offer my simpathies." She regreted it instantly, "Offer my simpathies, God, I sound like an Android." An embarrassed laugh escaped her mouth.

"No" Kara answered mournfully, "No, you sound like someone who's afraid to confront the woman who called you a villain."

Oh. Lena wasn't expecting that. Kara had regret written all over her tired face. It sounded like she had been thinking about it ever since the day she said it.

"I'm sorry about that, by the way." The reporter looked down, "You are not" she looked at Lena's eyes again, "you are not a villain." She gestured with her hands.  
"I don't know why I put it that way, but I've regretted it instantly after saying it. I wanted to tell you that that is not the way I see you, I never have. That I would still believe in you even if you had a Kryptonite knife pointing at my neck. But I was just," she inhaled, "I'm a coward, whenever I'm around you. I'm scared to death and frozen to my bones and I can't face you knowing that the worst thing I've ever done, was what I did to you. But now you're here, and well, I'm sorry." They stood there, staring at each other's eyes for maybe a bit too long. 

So she regretted it? She regretted giving up on her? She still believed in Lena? What did she mean with a coward? There was something so raw about the way they looked at each other. Lena was about to say something, she doesn't know what, when they were interrupted by Nia. "Huh," She hesitated for a minute when she saw Lena was in the office, "Andrea wants to see you, Kara." She awkwardly smiled at the Luthor and left.

"I'm sorry, Andrea isn't really my fan, so I have to go." She stood close to Lena, looked deep inside her eyes, "I'm really glad you came." She softly smiled and left.

Lena was speechless the entire day. Everytime she remembered Kara's words her heart would get a little kick, her belly felt like ice and and her mouth got dry. Kara still cared about her. 

That thought was the one that haunted her the most. Kara cared. She didn't let go.

Was she willing to forgive Lena? Not that she wanted forgiveness, - God, who is she fooling? - everything she wants is to forgive the blonde and leave all of this in the past, it's hard for her to be anywhere when all she wants is to be with Kara. She knows she's forgiven the reporter deep down, after all it was just a matter of time. She cannot ignore the longing, the sadness that she felt for not being around Kara, and now she's starting to understand the reasons the hero had for keeping her identity a secret, ' _I was selfish, and scared, and I didn't want to lose you' Was_ Kara feeling the same way? Was she just as sad? Did Lena haunt her dreams just like she did hers? Would Kara care if she came back?

She stayed up the entire night, thinking about all the things she could say to Kara. She thought back to every single minute around the blonde, every single one. Since the start, the connection that she felt with the then cub reporter was undeniable. She tried to make parallels, thinking about her life before and after Kara Danvers. She tried to picture her life without the hero in it, and she came to a huge, but honestly expected conclusion: she loved Kara. Just like that. She was sure she was never going to find anyone that made her feel the way the blonde did, she would never love someone that way. Kara was her soulmate, even if she wasn't hers.

So the next day, looking like crap and feeling even worse, she drove to her former best friend's house. Pulled up her car and realized she was shaking. She dried her slightly sweaty hands on her pants and breathed in and out three times. 'This is it, Lena Luthor. You can't give in to your fears. It's now or never.'. She got in the building.

\- 5 - 

There was a knock on her door just as Kara was putting her pancakes on a plate. She used her x-ray vision to check who it was and nearly dropped the pancakes. It was Lena, standing in front of her doorway in jeans and a sweater, a tentative hand knocking.

"Oh, Rao." She murmured.

She opened the door and couldn't breath for a second. Had Lena been crying? She seemed so defenseless, but oh God, so pretty. 

"Lena, hi" she had absolutely no idea of what to say. She cleaned her throat, "Come in." She stepped away from the door to let the brunette in.

Lena walked inside and was struck by how at home she felt in that apartment, even after so long of being mad at Kara.

"Huh, do you- need something? I just finished making breakfast." She asked and Lena just shook her head no.

"I needed to talk to you." She calmly said.

"Oh, ok. Is everything alright?" Kara asked a little out of breath.

She nodded and cleaned her throat, "Yesterday you said you were sorry, for like the millionth time, and now it's my turn." It surprised Kara, who stepped closer. "You hurt me, and you know that, I'm not here to say that I was wrong for being mad at you." She looked Kara deep in the eye, who nodded in agreement and looked down, "I'm here to apologise for being mean to you. I shouldn't have used Kryptonite against you, I shouldn't have stolen myriad or started Non Nocere, or even work with Lex, and for that I'm sorry. Normally, I wouldn't even be here, I would have just slipped away and forget you had ever existed in my life. Because that's what I've done in the past. But with you it's different. You are the first person to genuinely believe in me from the start, you protected me both as Kara Danvers and as Supergirl, even if you lied to me all along. You never failed me when I needed you, as both too." She let a soundless laugh, "I can't count in my hands the amount of times you saved me, both from myself and from other dangers. And I can't be away from you, you know? There's something that just keeps pushing me back to you. So I'm sorry, for my mistakes, and I forgive you for yours." She finished looking down at her hands.

Kara's heart was beating so fast she felt like she was about to either have a heart attack or to start flying around the world. She was shaking, she could feel it. Lena was right in front of her, apologizing, and forgiving her. She couldn't believe it was true. At this point she was losing control over her actions, because of how great was everything that she was feeling. It was like her mind was running a thousand miles per hour, while also being completely empty. She hadn't lost Lena, after all. Lena was standing right here in front of her, telling Kara that she couldn't be away from her.

"I love you." She said, looking sure and slightly terrified. Lena's eyes got big, her mouth open wide. Kara stepped even closer and put both hands on Lena's cheeks, "I am so in love with you." She looked her softly in the eyes, a thumb caressing her cheek, and leaned in. Lena closed her eyes in anticipation, her heart screaming inside her chest. She wondered if Kara could hear it.

Their lips touched and it was as if the whole world stopped spinning, as if there was a storm in the room and they were in the middle of if. As they deepened the kiss the storm got stronger and stronger until it wasn't there anymore and the sun was shining just for them. Kara touched Lena's hips and the brunette pulled her closer by the collar of her shirt, not being close enough. It could've last forever and they would never know, so lost they were in it. When they finally parted, cheeks flushed and out of breath, the world slowly started to spin again.

"I love you too" Lena murmured, "I really do" she remembered the day before and laughed a little, "actually, I think you might be my soulmate." She says against Kara's shoulder, where she's laying her head.

"Oh, you do?" Kara softly asks, "that makes sense. Yeah, I think you're my soulmate too." She hugs the brunette even closer. "And I accept your apologies, thank you for trusting me and forgiving me." They looked at each other smiling, love written all over their faces. They kiss again and again and again, as if they were in high school and this was their first love. Smiling foolishly at each other around the kitchen.

"I have so much to tell you." Kara says when they are in the couch, her head laying on Lena's lap. "Stories from Krypton and from when I became a Danvers, my childhood and so. I kept a lot from you, don't want to do it again." 

"It's okay. Everything on your time, don't worry. But I'd love to hear them." Lena massaged Kara's scalp, lovingly staring down.

"My name is actually Kara Zor-El." The blonde simply said.

"Oh. Kara Zor-El" she tried it, and Kara felt like her name had never been prettier. "Kara Zor-El Danvers. I like it" For some reason the hero's heart was racing inside her chest, there was something so unique about being honest with Lena.

"And I like you" She charmingly said, making Lena blush.

"Oh, you do?" She giggled, "I love you, Kara Zor-El. How does that sound?" 

Kara got up, getting closer to the brunette's face, "That sounds beautiful, say it again, please" she looked lovingly into Lena's eyes.

"I love you, Kara Zor-El." 

Kara smiled so big it felt like her face would break in two. "I love you too, Lena Kieran Luthor." She softly said. "I really do." And then kissed the other woman. 


End file.
